What a difference a year makes.  Last summer I wrote an article for PrimeWoman Magazine titled Dancing, Romancing on Vacation; R & R for your Relationship, a primer on using your summer vacation to keep the passion in your relationship flexible and strong.  This last year has not been easy on couples.  The economic meltdown has seen declining portfolios and dramatic changes in roles in the family with regard to finances.  Men who used to go to work everyday are now staying home and taking care of the kids; women have added a new job (thus taking over the role of primary breadwinner) to their exhaustive list of responsibilities.  It has gotten so bad that even when the marriage has failed, some couples find that divorce is just not economically feasible, so they live together anyway.  Couples have to adapt to these dramatic changes to their relationship together and figure out how they are going to make the best of a difficult situation.


I wanted to revisit the themes of last year's article in the context of these current financial challenges.  Economic crises reach all aspects of a relationship: communication, conflict resolution, parenting, division of labor, and maintaining intimacy.  To maintain flexibility in the relationship so these problems do not overwhelm you, it's important to take some time to nurture your relationship this summer.  It's especially critical for those couples who are struggling in their relationship as a result of financial stress.  And the good news is that it doesn't have to put any more stress than you already have because it can be accomplished for little or no cost.
 

Flexible Passion

Just as yoga keeps the body flexible and strong in order to experience a sense of emotional and spiritual well-being, couples need to keep the passion in their relationship just as limber to experience the same sense of well-being between them. This is something that I like to call "flexible passion."  Maintaining the passion in your relationship, especially when you and your partner are experiencing significant stress and anxiety is not an easy task.  As the focus of the relationship narrows to just "get through the day," couples lose the capacity to tap into the power of their relationship and respond to the challenges that they face from forces outside of their control.  Keeping the positive energy flowing in a relationship maximizes all of the assets at a couple's disposal to deal with these challenges and help maintains a positive connection.  That connection is the key component to preventing the relationship from becoming a casualty of everyday stress and anxiety.
 
The key to keeping the spark alive is to remember what the first spark felt like.  Passion is not defined by your sex life but rather by how enthusiastic you feel about being with your partner.  When it's difficult to maintain that enthusiasm--like it is now, with the economic crisis--try and think back to the first exciting days of your relationship.  The stresses we face today can increase the level of tension and cause irritability and conflict.  Or it can cause shame and embarrassment for those who feel that they have been unable to provide for their family.  However your partner reacts to the stress, it's important to respond with compassion and empathy.  That will definitely go a long way to keep the passion alive.



The Passionate Vacation


Is it possible to take a summer vacation with all of the financial problems hanging over your head?  Absolutely.  In fact, for some couples it is essential.  Deciding to spend time together and distract yourselves from the problems needs to be high on your priority list, especially if you have not been getting along. Fighting, arguing and bickering are not allowed on this vacation. Even if you can only get away for a long weekend or decide to send the kids to grandma and keep the house to yourselves, the goal is the same:  get back to the source of your passion. Things are different than they were when you met, but the emotions that you initially felt still form the foundation of your relationship. Tapping into these positive emotions can rejuvenate your relationship and make this vacation memorable.  

The challenge of deciding where or what type of vacation to go on is not as critical as the excitement you and your partner can generate about being alone together.  Planning the vacation is the opportunity to jump start your passion as well as to allow the anticipation to build.  Begin the process by talking to each other about all the great things that you would like to happen when you are together. Nothing should be off limits.  The challenge is to risk sharing them with your partner.  Just keep the focus on your relationship and what it needs to re-energize itself.  As the vacation nears, keep the planning flexible as you talk frequently.

Once you decide on the details of how you are going to spend your time, plan some surprises that you know your partner would like.  Maybe it's a massage that your partner wasn't expecting or an impromptu picnic in the park.  Whatever you think will work to best allow you to feel closer to each other.  It's time to get out of the house, into the sun, and have some fun together.  And remember, a flexible relationship is a happy relationship.

5 Great Cheap Dates

    •    Recreate one of your first dates.
    •    Have a massage together.
    •    Take a cooking class or an art class.
    •    Go for a long walk.
    •    Make dinner together.